Another Fear Faced

- A childhood experience

Childhood experiences can leave a scar—sometimes literally. If you’ve been on a healing path, most commonly, we think we’ve dealt with that experience, healed and purified the trauma that surrounded it. Then through the looping of the program we have all been functioning from, it reappears, only its form may take a different strand from the original event.

There I was, at the Lake, with only two days before I would be picked up to leave and I hadn’t taken the kayak out onto the water for a paddle. For the most part, the winds had been too wild, reminding me of that day—so long ago.

I’m fairly certain it was the 1981 Waikerie flood when the lagoon was in rapid flow. I was thirteen years young yet not a confident swimmer due to another traumatic experience - funny how one flows on to the next - and my cousin suggested we head down to the lagoon and put the canoe in the water. (It surprises me to discover I have not written about nor included this incident in any of my memoirs.)

I was always up for an adventure, and any adventures with my cousin always took me out of my comfort zone, which was exciting. That is, it’s exciting until it’s not.

We were bobbing up and down paddling out from the edge of the lagoon when my cousin thought it would be really funny to rock the boat. If memory serves me we were even singing, ‘Row, row, row your boat… gently down the stream…’ The fun suddenly ceased when the canoe flipped over and we both fell in.

My cousin’s main focus was to get the canoe back to shore because she knew she’d be in trouble if she didn’t. I tried to stay afloat and not panic, but panic I did as I found the current too strong for me to swim against. I don’t remember whether it was my cousins suggestion or my inner voice that instructed me to swim as best I could toward land.

As the adrenalin kicked in, I made my way to a rocky outcrop that led to a high cliff face of limestone and native bushland. In my desperation to climb out of the water to safety, I fell on the slippery wet rocks and cut my left upper thigh—a faded telltale scar exists today.

It’s 6:30am and there’s no other person or watercraft in sight. On my first venture away from Terrafirma there was a ripple despite the perceived stillness in the photo below…

I dare not venture to the middle, as the distance would be too far for me to swim back to the dock. So many thoughts, stream through my mind - I knew better than to hook into any of them and stayed with the unease of each moving through me. Would the canoe take on water and sink? How deep is it out here? What else is in the water with me? Not wearing a life jacket adds to my consternation.

I paddle close to the land and follow the trees reflection in the water. In one direction, the sun rises… in the other, a receding full moon appears as a deflated white balloon in the sky.

The memories flow through me and I let them pass; no longer of use to me or anyone else—peace restored.

My expedition lasts maybe 15 minutes and I return to the dock, deciding that was enough and maybe I would head out the following day.

I rose the next morning with thoughts that I had nothing to prove to myself or anyone else by taking the kayak out again, but nature presented me with such a gift that I couldn’t resist. Not only was the water as still as though the water was smooth crystal; a surreal fog wafted from its surface as the water was warmer than the air.

This time when I climbed in the kayak, I wasn’t so clumsy and did it with grace. This time I paddled out into the centre of the lake and sat for a while feeling into Mother Earth’s fluidity and my own. This time I saw more than I had last time as my compass coordinates could determine East and the rise of the morning’s sun behind Peggy’s dock. And the best thing of all, I felt more confident and peaceful.

Up ahead is a fork in the lake… left or right? So many choices!

Clouds above me and clouds below… ever-changing.

Nature’s equivalent to the less-than-sign learned in Maths class at high school…

Are you noticing the fears reflected on the surface of your being through your actions or inactions? Maybe you are aware of your body signalling the changes. Whatever is happening or not happening for you, it is always helpful to remember you are equipped with knowing what to do and when, as and when an event arises. Fears are like the clouds, impermanent, and rise and fall away.

As mentioned in one of my previous posts…

Two dear Canadian friends have been very generous to host me throughout my time in Canada. While at their private place of residence, beautiful gatherings will be held where I talk about dreams and dreaming, and what light’s you up. Attendees will have the opportunity to journey with the sound of my voice and immerse deeply into themselves. Sing out if you’d like to be on the guest list… I would love to send you your personal invitation.

Gathering dates: September 21/22 and October 19/20

*Sun, Sep 22, 2024, 8:43 a.m is the fall equinox - bring balance to your being!*

Both locations have accommodation available… one is technology-free… so if you need a rest from the craziness of life and feel the need to fill your vessel full of the good stuff, that is peace, love, joy and harmony, send me a message and I’ll be delighted to share the heartwarming details with you.

Love’s Harmony,

Leanda Michelle ✍🏼

PS: this post has been edited… the correct word for this adventure was a kayak (for one person) while my childhood adventure was a canoe (for two).